Abiding.

Last night I laid in bed with my eyes closed but sleep would not come. My mind was reeling. My heart was sorely grieved. I was having trouble forgiving myself for sins I'd committed that day. Gluttony, jealousy. Sometimes I feel like I'm still a child..a baby in my faith. My head and my heart don't connect. I can't swallow the hopeless lump in my throat that separates them.

I know that "God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life" (John 3:16). I know that "For freedom Christ has set us free," that I must "stand firm therefore," that I must "not submit again to a yoke of slavery" (Gal. 5:1). Paul is specifically referring to the yoke of circumcision the Jews in Galatia are continuing to submit to, but he goes on to say that if we think we are justified by grace and the only thing that counts for anything is "faith working through love" (Gal. 5:5). I'm not justified by my ability to exercise self-control; nor does my justification come from humility. Christ was self-controlled; Christ was humble. These virtues arise in me only as I am in Him. The fruit of the Spirit is not my righteousness, it is His.