Oh, people.

So, obviously, you learn a lot about yourself being an RA. You learn on a really raw level that your personality is pretty unique, and that you just won’t connect with everyone you meet super easily. Most people think they understand this fact of life pretty well; we don’t get the giddy ‘I have a friend-crush’ often. You know what I mean, don’t you? Where you want to have a DTR (define-the-relationship) with this person you’ve just met to see if they feel like they connect equally as well with you. When this happens, it’s a pretty special event – not to mention especially corny.

But I don’t think people fully understand the uniqueness of their personality and the talent (or patience, rather) it takes to connect well with a variety of people until they begin to be intentional toward all the people God has put in their lives. Let me explain myself more clearly: there are levels of friendship – a friend, a good friend, a best friend, and a best friend forever. A best friend forever relationship usually commences and is quickly followed by a DTR of some sort, whether formal or informal. A best friend happens more gradually than a best friend forever does. You click, but you’re not like, ‘Oh my gosh, this person is amazing!’ You are like, ‘Cool; a new friend.’ There really is no anxiety to define what is happening between you and the new friend.

I have found that sometimes friends and even good friends can be found in those you may not like on first meeting them. For whatever reason – whether because of an issue deeply-seeded in you, or for some more shallow behavioral annoyances they cause, you just don’t ‘click’ as easily as you do with others. But by the grace of God, he allows (or forces) you to spend copious amounts of time with them and one day you realize you ‘get them’ (at least moreso than you did...) and you, in fact, like them (or at least more so than you did...). Now, this isn’t always the case. Some people always just annoy you… and may continue to do so this side of heaven. However, the relationships that change radically from feeling like you would never want to spend more time with that person than is required to actually seeking them out in order to spend your free time with them are worthwhile. They challenge you and expand your worldview, your preferences, your ideas, the way you go about processing life and all it entails. These relationships are not necessarily easy from the get-go, but they’re worth it in the long run.

There are some girls on my floor that I get. I love this. However, inevitably, there are those that I don’t connect with easily. Specifically, some encounters have brought up defenses in me – insecurities I hate that were there previous to our encounter and are magnified in the midst of it. Insecurities can often be all the more apparent when you’re looking at someone that just doesn’t get you. As cheesy as it sometimes sounds, we do just want to be accepted. And if you're Christians, it may be true that both of you are struggling to make the other feel accepted  – it is expected of us. But we sometimes confuse ‘accepted’ with ‘ecstatic’ – you know? Like can’t I just accept someone who is different from me – just appreciate rather than totally, completely 100% relate to? I think so. And in sitting in this less than ecstatic situation for sometime and being patient in it, I think we can often reap great reward in gaining a relationship that is quite unique from those we usually, more easily form.

Romanticizing the PaSt?

... question: when we 'romanticize' our pasts - are our fonder memories at least part reality? or do we romanticize the joys as well as temper the pains? are we accepting things the way they were, or living in an illusion in order to cope with what was, or what is, or what we are afraid will be?...

the Pride that opposes Growth

It is true that God has created us, well, creatively. We're all incredibly different - from our hair color, thickness and texture, all the way down to the length and shape of our toes. (Okay, so that's weird to say - but it's so true! Some people have such long toes!) We have different personalities, different strengths, and different weaknesses. For example, I am not good at time management; I do not have a mind for details, or a passion for efficient planning. I am more of a visionary, a free spirit, a go where ever the wind blows, whenever the wind blows you there kind of gal. I could just rest here. I could say I'm content and fine with the way I was made - because I was, in fact, made this way. After all, Paul provides an example for us when he writes to the Philippians that he knows the secret to being content in all things... right? Shouldn't I be content that I am not type A, that I'm a looser, more fancy free type?

Mmm. Not so much. I have realized in the past couple of weeks that my contentement with my free spirit is not a contentement that will necessarily be mirrored in, nor fully appreciated by those I am working with in ResLife. The flaws of free spirits are apparent - we're late, we forget, we can be a bit irresponsible. But I chose to focus on the pros - flexible, fun, creative; by focusing on the pros of flexibility,  I sometimes have justified my weaknesses when feeling inadequacy in the shadow of time management super men and women. So, they are on time, at least I am able to be spontaneous, I tell myself. I am pretty sure being on time and spontaneity are both necessary to loving people well. Schedules and flexibility will both show others you care. You are at the coffee shop on time - the date is important to you. She can't make it to the coffee shop - that's alright. You're flexible; she didn't just ruin your entire day. You don't resent her.

Although my fellow staff members, my beautiful and gracious floor partner Christine in particular, appreciate my ability to conceptualize and see the big picture when we're planning events and talking about how to enforce standards, good time management, attention to details, and efficient planning are good life skills not only to be admired in others, they are skills for me to strive after that I might live a healthier life. God may have made me free spirited, but he did not make me late, forgetful, or unaware. These are my weaknesses. Yes, he is glorified in my weaknesses, but isn't it possible he is glorified via the effort I put in by his strength to improve in areas of my life where I am weak? And not merely in acknowledgment of weakness, or super miraculous occurrences where I'm suddenly good at something I've always sucked at?

At the root of my resistance to what I saw as an entirely different way of life - a type A sort of life - lies my resilient pride. I know the exact moment I realized my resistance was resistance and not contentment (I think I confused laziness for contentment). I was reading an article on 'Time Management' by Greg Bliming for RA Leadership class and I was utterly annoyed... almost on moral grounds. I thought all Bliming's time management advice, all his tactics to "maximize discretionary time and use it efficiently" were so cold and unfeeling. However, if I had articulated my deeper feelings I would have said I know that I am bad at efficiency in general, and that it is a quality I admire (or, more properly stated: covet) in others. I realize now that these skills are not out of my reach, and not necessarily contrary to my free spirited-ness; furthermore, good time management, efficient planning, and the like, will not only produce better events and programs, and thus develop a healthy community for residents, these skills will produce a saner, less anxious Brittany. (Well, these skills, and greater faith in God...)

So, those are my thoughts for today. Thanks for listening. ; )

The 11 questions on page 234 entitled, 'Ask Yourself...'

1. At what time of day do you feel you can concentrate best (early morning, midmorning, after lunch, late afternoon, early evening, late evening)?
Midmorning and late evening


2. Do you like to go to bed early and get up early or go to bed late and get up late?
What if I like to go to bed late and get up early? 


3. When do you most feel like exercising (morning, evening, afternoon)?
When do I most feel like exercising? Afternoon. When is it most convenient? Morning.


4. When are most of the people in your living unit available, during the day or in the evening (before dinner, after dinner, late evening)?
In the evening... around dinner time, after dinner, before bed...


5. When is your living unit quietest (and thus more suitable for study) and when is your living unit nosiest (and thus most suitable for socializing)?
The floor is quietest in the morning and afternoons; it is loudest in the evening... around dinner time, after dinner, before bed...


6. When do you most often like to socialize?
In the evening around dinner time, after dinner, before bed... (I'm seeing a trend.)


7. When are you most likely to engage in social activities such as dating (Friday night, Saturday night, or both nights)?
I didn't add the 'such as dating' part. It was there already. No hints for anyone reading this... answer: either or... not both on any given weekend. 

8. What is the most frequent reason you give for not accomplishing certain tasks such as studying?
... not enough time. Oh, time management skills... how I long for you.

9. Are you the type of person who, when asked while studying to go some place with a friend, usually goes?
Not normally - unless its only a short break that is necessary for my sanity and feasible in light of what needs to get done.

10. When you have free time, in which ways do you most often spend it?
With friends. Or reading. Movies. Nice walks. Writing... journaling.

11. What is the most frequent interruption that interferes with studying?
People with a different preference for socializing hours...


And there you have it. My environment. My habits, etc... ; )
PS - G. Stump: 100% 

What is leadership?

“Student leaders are awesome! Student leaders are sweet! Student leaders are awesome! Stand up and stomp your feet!” shouted Danny Paschall and Matthew Hooper, Biola University’s Dean and Assistant Dean of Students respectively, before proceeding to perform a suave stomp-clap combo and finish their cheer to the amusement of their audience of student leaders. The cheer officially concluded the celebration of the end of student leader formal training and the beginning of the madness of move-in weekend.

I’ve found, especially over the course of the last month that student leaders are awesome and student leaders are sweet – particularly those emulating and striving after the self-sacrificial attitude of Jesus. They’re strange: their leadership does not consist primarily in displaying strength, or espousing persuasive opinions, but in living a life of self-sacrifice. They do things as simple as washing one another’s dishes, and as difficult as changing personal plans to care for someone in need. However, I’ve also found that their awesome-ness and sweet-ness are a direct result of the thoughts, efforts, and self-sacrifice of their own leaders, those who pour their lives into these students.

The ResLife team at Biola University is truly impressive. I’ve become more intentional about an act as simple as remembering names, because they were intentional about remembering mine. They taught me, hands on, that this small gesture can be incredibly edifying. Maintaining eye contact, listening well and responsively, exercising compassion, putting others before you – it all sounds rather simple, but in its simplicity there’s difficulty. There’s difficulty because there’s sacrifice.

And this is the crux of the issue: what is good leadership? Good leadership does not, and never has been about self-glorification, self-promotion, “Me, Inc.” It’s about realizing that to live consists in loving, and loving consists in dying to oneself and living to God.

Move in weekend provided me with another incredible incarnate example of good leadership. Each staff for each dorm woke-up early to make sure we would be good and ready to greet the incoming class, to assure them that we were excited for their arrival and excited for the year ahead. Waking up early, though, was in our job requirement. Move-in weekend was a paid gig for us. It was not a ‘paid gig’, however, for Dr. Barry Corey, our university president, and his ‘Un-PAC’ team (President Advisory Committee). Nonetheless, Biola University faculty and staff do not merely preach servant leadership, they live it: herein lies the power of their message. DBC (as the student body has affectionately begun to refer to our president) and his team were bright eyed and bushy tailed as could be expected that Friday morning. In an unworldly fluid change of roles, the President and his team took their orders eagerly from the Resident Directors in order to greet the incoming class, to assure them that we – the RAs, the RDs, the faculty, the staff, as well as the President and his team – were excited for their arrival and excited for the year ahead.

The part that convicts me to my core, however, is not just that the President of Biola University set aside the day to help freshman move into their dorms, it’s the manner in which he did so – the humble, unassuming, ready manner in which he did so. There was no introduction, no name-tag, no post-performance applause. I reveled in imagining what would go through the minds of parents and students when they made it to the end of move-in weekend and found themselves listening to this man deliver a gospel-infused, Christ-centered message on his hope for their son’s and daughter’s time at Biola at the parent orientation dinner. I reveled. And I was inspired – I was inspired to think on how I might make my year an imitation of such humble service, such Christ-like humble service. Christ-like humble service: the balm for the pain and havoc wrecked by sin, the only power against the downward spiral, the degradation of ‘natural selection’, of greed, of the lust for power.

It is because Dr. Corey, the ResLife team, the faculty and staff, the student leaders, and Christians all over the world, abide in Christ that they can naturally live and serve - that they can lead like Christ. It is through reading, praying, taking time for solitude, silence, practicing fasting, pouring their lives out in service and continually celebrating the work of the cross, that we can truly provide our communities, and consequently our world, with exemplary leadership.