the Pride that opposes Growth

It is true that God has created us, well, creatively. We're all incredibly different - from our hair color, thickness and texture, all the way down to the length and shape of our toes. (Okay, so that's weird to say - but it's so true! Some people have such long toes!) We have different personalities, different strengths, and different weaknesses. For example, I am not good at time management; I do not have a mind for details, or a passion for efficient planning. I am more of a visionary, a free spirit, a go where ever the wind blows, whenever the wind blows you there kind of gal. I could just rest here. I could say I'm content and fine with the way I was made - because I was, in fact, made this way. After all, Paul provides an example for us when he writes to the Philippians that he knows the secret to being content in all things... right? Shouldn't I be content that I am not type A, that I'm a looser, more fancy free type?

Mmm. Not so much. I have realized in the past couple of weeks that my contentement with my free spirit is not a contentement that will necessarily be mirrored in, nor fully appreciated by those I am working with in ResLife. The flaws of free spirits are apparent - we're late, we forget, we can be a bit irresponsible. But I chose to focus on the pros - flexible, fun, creative; by focusing on the pros of flexibility,  I sometimes have justified my weaknesses when feeling inadequacy in the shadow of time management super men and women. So, they are on time, at least I am able to be spontaneous, I tell myself. I am pretty sure being on time and spontaneity are both necessary to loving people well. Schedules and flexibility will both show others you care. You are at the coffee shop on time - the date is important to you. She can't make it to the coffee shop - that's alright. You're flexible; she didn't just ruin your entire day. You don't resent her.

Although my fellow staff members, my beautiful and gracious floor partner Christine in particular, appreciate my ability to conceptualize and see the big picture when we're planning events and talking about how to enforce standards, good time management, attention to details, and efficient planning are good life skills not only to be admired in others, they are skills for me to strive after that I might live a healthier life. God may have made me free spirited, but he did not make me late, forgetful, or unaware. These are my weaknesses. Yes, he is glorified in my weaknesses, but isn't it possible he is glorified via the effort I put in by his strength to improve in areas of my life where I am weak? And not merely in acknowledgment of weakness, or super miraculous occurrences where I'm suddenly good at something I've always sucked at?

At the root of my resistance to what I saw as an entirely different way of life - a type A sort of life - lies my resilient pride. I know the exact moment I realized my resistance was resistance and not contentment (I think I confused laziness for contentment). I was reading an article on 'Time Management' by Greg Bliming for RA Leadership class and I was utterly annoyed... almost on moral grounds. I thought all Bliming's time management advice, all his tactics to "maximize discretionary time and use it efficiently" were so cold and unfeeling. However, if I had articulated my deeper feelings I would have said I know that I am bad at efficiency in general, and that it is a quality I admire (or, more properly stated: covet) in others. I realize now that these skills are not out of my reach, and not necessarily contrary to my free spirited-ness; furthermore, good time management, efficient planning, and the like, will not only produce better events and programs, and thus develop a healthy community for residents, these skills will produce a saner, less anxious Brittany. (Well, these skills, and greater faith in God...)

So, those are my thoughts for today. Thanks for listening. ; )